Feeling Lonely in a Relationship

I was asked recently if I get bored being alone. “I enjoy being alone and I do not mind being by myself,” I replied. In fact, I’d rather be alone rather than being lonely when I am with others.

In all honesty, in the beginning, it was very difficult for me to be by myself. I was like the rest of us here in North America. My life revolved around the do, do, do, and the go, go, go. We are programmed to be more like robots rather human beings and that is especially true for parents. You wake up in the morning, get into the shower, get the children ready, prepare their breakfast, make sure they are dressed properly for the weather, and then you drive to drop them off to school, then go to work. You spend eight hours at work and sometimes at a job that you hate with people you dislike just to pay the bills.

At the end of a long working day, you rush to pick up the children whether from the daycare or from the after-school program to drop them to their activities and on the way, you stop by a fast food restaurant for a quick bite. You don’t get home until late and then again you must get the kids to bed which is also another struggle because they want to stay up.

Ahhh, finally by 9 or 9:30 p.m. you get to sit down and relax. Oh, no stop. Not yet. You must prepare a meal for tomorrow, put the dishes away, and clean the house. By the time you are done with your chores, you are a dead piece of meat. You lay in your bed and sleep. On to the next day, and the day after, and the month after, and years go by with you just running around and running down by your responsibility as a parent, as a spouse, as an employee, and as whatever role you chose to play in your life.

Stressed out parent

Doesn’t that describe the life of many working parents who are raising children with no support? I got stressed out by reading what I just wrote, let alone being such a parent, and yet I was. The above probably describes the lives of most parents and definitely not only in North America but around the world. Times are changing, it is becoming increasingly tough to be a parent today with all the technological advances and raising children in a highly materialistic demanding society. Our life becomes more about doing rather than being that makes me wonder what happened along the way to that “Human Being”

Who Are You?

But hold on, what about you? Where are you in the middle of all of this? Do you know who you are? If you look in the mirror today, do you recognize that face you are looking at?

I was once that stressed out parent that was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. When you are in such a state of being you feel like you are a hamster in a wheel. You are always preoccupied with doing and not living in the being, you are always surrounded by people yet you feel lonely, you are never by yourself, and most of the time you forget about yourself, your life purpose, who you are and what you really want from life.

Getting off the hamster wheel was one of the most difficult things to do. The first time ever in my life I had to stop working or studying was when I was 37 years-old. Oh my, what an experience? What was I supposed to do now and who was I? For most my life, I played the role of the supporter in my family, the hard-working student, the excellent employee, the wife, and the mother, etc… The time came where I was non-of the above and I had to sit alone with myself and take the agonizing journey of finding who I was and find inner peace from within (I talk more about these feelings in my book Shift to Shine: Bridging Science and Intuition). Having gone through that experience made me realize that the most important relationship you create is the one you create with yourself first, and then with others around you. That is when you do not mind being alone and by yourself.

Being Happy Alone

Once you arrive at that awareness, you will be okay with being alone. You’ll be okay with not being busy and socially active (whether digitally or in person), fear of being lonely will disappear, you no longer be in relationships just because you don’t want to be alone and you’ll be a much happier person who achieves much more in life and be successful in everything you do.

So here is what you can do today to be the MAGNIFICENT you who is waiting on the other side of transformation to meet you:

1-    Time Out: You must take few minutes to yourself every day to connect with your higher self. You can either sit quietly and calm the mind, take a walk in the park, listen to relaxing music, or do any other activity that will help you be by yourself for few minutes. The fear of being alone will disappear eventually.

2-    Be present: Make a conscious effort to be present when you are with others. Building meaningful and valuable relationships takes effort. When you are with someone, give them your full and undivided attention. This act alone will strengthen the connections that you build with others and will make them long to be in your company.  Few minutes of quality time spent with others is worth hours of mindless company. Imagine how you don’t have to be with others only because you do not want to be lonely. See how happy you will be when you do not feel lonely in your relationships.

3-    Personal Growth: Life is a never-ending journey. You need to be happy with who you are rather than looking for someone else to make you happy. Attend a class, read a book, hire a coach, or have a mentor that will help you move to higher levels of awareness. Be the best person you can be and then and only then you will have amazing and wonderful relationships that will make you happy. For that, you need to work on your self-development and learn new skills that will make you reach your fullest potential and be successful in your relationships and in your life. 

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or email us at wecare@rajamishal.com

Be Magnificent. You Are Good Enough. You Got This.

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With Love






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